January 21, 2011

No Dear Abbe means it's time for Dear Single Grad Student!

Dear Single Grad Student,

What is the best way to make hot dogs?


Dear Curious,

The best way to make hot dogs is what I learned while researching Napoleonic naval warfare for my dissertation on the fourth-century Arian Crisis. It is a simple process, but yet it makes the best hot dogs ever. First, slaughter some pigs. Next, wash your hands. (You may have to repeat this step several times.) Then bring to bear your 12-pound howitzer. Load the raw flesh into the barrel of the cannon. Ignite fuse (being careful to remove hands from the barrel's aperture). After the loud explosion (which will be kind of like an old-fashioned microwave bell), you will notice all around you nice, bite size chunks of hot dogs that you can be proud to serve to all your fellow single, nerdy, grad school friends!!!

Single Grad Student

1 comment:

  1. Wow, Single Grad Student, if you are who I think you are by your knowledge of the 4th century Arian crisis, I had no idea you had a 12-pound howitzer. Must have been hiding in your car. Good luck with those hot dogs. We modernists usually grill 'em.